Last month, I gave myself a really big present. I gave myself the gift of time.
Four days. No kids, no husband, no work, no agenda. For four days.
To do whatever I wanted to do.
I began referring to this trip as my Grace and Space trip. I chose a location and booked my travel. I looked at things to do in the area, but I didn’t schedule anything. I kept the days open so that I could do what I wanted when I wanted (which, as a mom, coach and employee is a luxury I don’t get very much).
The catalyst for this was the need to breathe. I felt stuck and out of sorts. I felt like I wasn’t heading in any direction except something that resembled a circle. I felt out of place, like I was supposed to be somewhere else even though I really wanted to stay present.
The long and short of it is this: I needed a change. The day to day routine of life got to me. That’s just how it goes sometimes. I don’t care how spiritual you are, how much you meditate and how many gratitude lists you write. Sometimes you just need to shake things up a little bit. Or a lot, depending on your situation.
In my case, I needed to give myself something big. It’s one thing to sneak off to a coffee shop for a couple hours. It’s another to get on a plane and leave your responsibilities behind for a couple of days just because you want to. I had to talk myself into this big time. And to be honest, it probably took me about six months to get up the nerve to talk to my husband about it.
I didn’t know if I deserved it. I didn’t know if I was allowed. I mean, I’m a mom. With responsibilities. Can I just do this? Can I just go to some place I’ve never been because I want to? Is that even a thing?
Turns out, yes is the answer. Yes, I can just go. Yes, I can rely on others to do the things that need to be done that I usually do. Yes, I deserve this. I don’t care if I’ve made a million mistakes in the last week alone… I deserve this. Even now, it is really hard to not put a qualifier on that statement. It’s hard to write “I deserve this” without adding “because” and a list of reasons / sacrifices / examples as to why this is so.
What it comes down to is I needed Space and Grace and I gave it to myself. Space to breathe, to think and to do things uninterrupted for a few days. Space to be me. Space to decide on the fly what I’m going to do and why I’m doing it. Space to be done for the day, even if it’s really early, and then get a second wind a little later and get going again. Space to just be.
And the grace to know that I was allowed all of it. Grace to accept this gift and not feel guilty about it. Grace to experience everything fully and call home to check in because I wanted to and not because I felt like I had to.
So, I ran away from home for a few days. And it was magnificent. When I gave myself Space and Grace I got to experience full thoughts and breathing room. I got to see the light and the shadows in myself. I got to take care of myself and ask, “What do I really need today?” And then give it to myself.
I really can’t wait to tell you all about it, especially since I’ve had time home to decompress and wrap my mind around things. So be on the look out for more posts about my Space and Grace trip.
I also have a couple exciting announcements coming up! So watch out for some more goodness coming your way! If you really want to be in the know, sign up for my email list.